


You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece

by DamnSawyer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fix-It, Maggie has a girlfriend but Sanvers is endgame, Post-Break Up, Sanvers flashbacks, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Will add tags as the story progresses, emotional angst, not graphic, slight description of dying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamnSawyer/pseuds/DamnSawyer
Summary: Nights at the bar have been spent together, drinking and fighting, filled with sexual tension, not knowing what to do with those old feelings trying to break free.Hurtful words have been spoken in anger and frustration, tears were running down their faces, not ashamed to let the other one see how broken they were.Days later, and the pain still lingered in her heart.'You find pleasure in ruining me, my life? She's gone, gone because of you.'
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 42
Kudos: 225





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been haunting me for almost a year now.... 
> 
> Characters and tags will be added with every chapter.
> 
> This is unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Title is a line from Halsey's "Colors"

**Prologue**

It was late, the moon was shining high in the sky, rain was pouring down hard, relentlessly. The few people left on the street rushed home or into the next open bar. 

A slender figure was standing right in front of the windows, arms crossed over her chest, deep in thoughts. Eyes fixated on a broken neon sign right across the street. 

She still hadn't quite wrapped her mind around what had happened. She has lost her concentration and focus on the case, her past has merged with her present and her future. 

Everything happened so fast; gone were the nights where she found herself in the arms of her girlfriend, happy, safe and content; back was the past and the painful memories, the lonely nights, the scotch soaked nights. 

Nights at the bar have been spent together, drinking and fighting, filled with sexual tension, not knowing what to do with those old feelings trying to break free. 

Hurtful words have been spoken in anger and frustration, tears were running down their faces, not ashamed to let the other one see how broken they were. 

Days later, and the pain still lingered in her heart. 

_You find pleasure in ruining me, my life? She's gone, gone because of you._

She shook her head, she needed to focus. No distractions were allowed when she was going to risk her life, her career. 

Her career.

 _I swore to protect the innocent, the ones who can't protect themselves_ , she muttered to herself. 

_Valor and integrity_. 

She lived by those words, day in, day out. And she made a name for herself, was respected and beloved. 

She has always been a good, honest cop, always played by the rules, bent them a few times only. But never abused her power. 

And when she joined the force at a young age, she never thought she would form an _alliance_ with her enemy, working with them, following their rules.

It was scary. 

Working with them was the first step into the wrong direction, it could lead her down a dark path. 

And yet she made her choice.

Tonight, tonight her whole world would change. 

Tonight, she would join forces with the enemy. 

She looked at her sleeping lover, exhausted from the love making. She looked so peacefully, not knowing that the smaller woman was still fighting with her demons. 

Even if she made her choice, she was still scared. 

Scared how that decision would affect her life and their relationship, her work and the case. 

She spent many nights awake, laying right next to her, having her in her arms, wondering if there could be another way. 

Deep in thoughts, she stepped closer to the bed, resting her knee on the mattress, dipping it lightly, her fingers gently run through her lovers soft hair. 

Tucking some stray hair behind her ear, she leaned closer, inhaled her sweet scent and put a lingering kiss on her temple. 

At the soft touch, she stirred lightly in her sleep before slowly opening her eyes. "You leaving?" 

She nodded. "I know we've talked about this but I really don't know if this is the best idea. What if something goes wrong? What if this was the last time I made love to you?" 

It wasn't in her intention to bring her doubts and fears up again. 

Countless nights have been spent talking, plotting, making sure that every step, decision would bring them closer to vengeance. 

And they've come so far, both just needed to follow the plan and nothing would go wrong. 

"It is, believe me."

She cupped her face in her hands, pulling her close. "I'll be by your side all the time, one word and I'll come and get you. Nothing will happen to you, I promise." She captured her lips in a soft kiss. 

And she trusted her lover, believed every word she said. She just had to be very careful. 

***

45 minutes later she stood in front of an abandoned warehouse, located at the city limits, where the organization was running their illegal operations. 

This was it, she was so close. One call and her men could storm the warehouse within a few minutes. 

_Don't do anything stupid. You know she's not there,_ she thought to herself. 

Loud noises were coming from inside, orders were barked. It seemed like everyone was busy inside and no one would even realize if another dark clad figure would wander around. 

"You're late." 

She was startled, her heart leaping up into her throat and making her stomach clench. 

"Yeah, traffic was brutal." 

He was standing in front of the heavy metal door, and she could tell from the disapproving look on his face that he was not believing her words. 

"We don't have much time left, we're moving." 

_Moving_? 

This was not good. 

"What do you mean we're moving?" 

"That's none of your business, now come." He opened the heavy door and signaled her to enter the building. 

She was sceptical, they didn't expect that. This could put the plan at risk. 

"I said, come." He grabbed her by the arm, dragging her into the warehouse. 

The warehouse was dark, except at the far end where some lighting was set up. She tried to memorize as much as possible, especially the exits. 

"Hey, slow down." 

But he ignored her. "I said we don't have time. The boss is waiting for you." 

She was brought in another room, a room with little lighting, but through a window she still could see what was going on. 

"She'll be here in a few minutes. Don't move." And with that he closed the door behind him and left her alone, surrounded by dangerous women and men. 

Time passed slowly. 

There was still some movement outside. Heavy shipping cases have been moved from the warehouse to the trucks parked outside. 

She heard engines revving up. 

Fear was creeping in, she could feel it. 

What if no one would come? What if everyone was leaving and she was left behind? 

She _fucking_ knew it. 

This was a trap. 

She was a goddamn cop, a cop with good instincts and a sharp mind. Why didn't she listen to them? 

The door creaked open slightly, allowing just a crack of light through. She tried to catch a glimpse of the person. 

"Well, well, well, what a pleasant surprise. I knew we would see each other again." 

She remembered hearing that voice in her past, the playful undertone was so familiar but she couldn't quite place it. She met a lot of people, impossible for her to remember everyone. 

And then she saw her reflection in the window. 

Red lipstick, tight red dress, snake tattoo. 

_Roulette_. 

Roulette stepped out of the dark, into her vision, a small smile on her lips. 

"Welcome to Cadmus, Detective Sawyer."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know her?”
> 
> “Yeah, she’s… she’s someone from my past.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! It's appreciated!
> 
> Please read the tags before you continue.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Please read the notes at the end.

_Six months earlier_

The light in the bar was dim, the jukebox was playing some old, slow song. The few patrons were loud arguing over who was better at pool.

But she didn’t pay her surroundings any attention, too wrapped up in her own thoughts, replaying everything in her mind that has happened tonight.

It has happened so fast, she got called to an emergency, a bank robbery downtown. The situation has been hectic when she has arrived. Police officers were yelling, pedestrians were blocking the view, making it difficult for the police to get their job done. 

She’s got a status report, and then she has taken over. 

_We have the hostages, and we don't want to hurt anyone_ _._

_Well, you don't have to hurt anyone. No one is making you do this. You're choosing to do this. You and your friend chose to go into that bank. You chose to take those people hostage.But you know what? You can choose to put your guns down. You can choose to let those people go. You can choose not to hurt anyone._

She almost had them, ready to surrender, to give up. 

But she had forgotten about the over-ambitious partner right next to her. 

Seventeen hours of " _What do you want, how can I help you?_ " good old-fashioned hostage negotiation has been wasted.

But the anger and frustration have been forgotten when she had him in her arms, struggling for his life. 

_Hold on, it’s gonna be alright, Brooks._

Slender fingers were wrapped around a tumbler, filled with amber liquid. She knew drinking wasn’t going to fix the darkness in her life, but it helped her to forget.

Forget that she has lost him. 

His pleading eyes were still haunting her, and she still could feel his cold fingers wrapped around her wrist. 

There was a reason why she told her commissioner that she worked best on her own and not with a partner. 

_It’s dangerous out there, Sawyer. And it’s not a bad thing to have someone who has your back._

She took a sip of her scotch, this time slowly, savouring the taste. Alcohol filled her mouth, searing its way down her throat, filling her body with warmth. 

Jack Brooks had a bright future ahead of him; he was young, ambitious, smart and sharp, too good natured for a corrupted city like Gotham City. 

But so was she and yet she chose to come back to this city. 

It took one phone call.

One late night phone call to bring her back. And after some down time, spent road tripping through the states, wondering if her passport got lost in the mail, she stood in front of the old building of the Gotham City Police Department.

Gotham City was known for many things; the cloudy, cold weather, no matter what time of the day, for darkness, a high crime rate, questionable citizens and corruptions, ruled by chaos and the crazy ones.

It was a city in need of saving. 

“You want another one?”

Maggie looked at the barkeeper and when she nodded lightly, she poured her another one, even stronger than the first. 

“It’s on the house.”

“Thanks, but that’s…”

She interrupted her own sentence, something or rather, someone caught her eyes.

It’s been five years, five years since she has closed that door behind her. She looked… different, exhausted and tired but more beautiful than ever. Maggie didn’t even notice that the sparkle in her eyes were missing. 

Maggie gasped when she saw the blood and the gash wound on the right side of her head. 

“You know her?”

“Yeah, she’s… she’s someone from my past.”

“Wanna talk? I’m a good listener.” 

The cute bartender was definitely flirting and it was flattering, but Maggie’s drinking and not trusting herself. 

Maggie just shook her head. “I’m good… Can you turn the volume up?”

The crash scene has been frantic, dramatic. Crying kids were shielded by their parents, the fire department evacuated the scene, sirens were wailing loudly, paramedics applied first aid.

But Maggie couldn’t take her eyes off her ex fiancée who has been bent over someone, shouting angry orders at the young agent next to her. 

She has been too caught up in her own world to pay attention to the news today. 

Maggie looked at the barkeeper, wondering if she knew what happened. “Hey, do you have any idea what happened in National City?”

The barkeeper just shook her head. “All I know is that National City has been under attack by some unknown force and that Supergirl tried her best to protect the city.”

 _Tried her best to protect the city,_ Maggie repeated in her mind. 

“Thanks.”

The camera angle shifted again, the focus was still on Alex, muttering something inaudible under her breath and then, when Alex moved a little bit to the side Maggie saw something red and blue.

Supergirl.

She blinked, certain her brain was fucking with her mind. 

She blinked again, once. Twice. Three times.

But the scene on the tv remained unchanged.

It was Supergirl, and Alex did her best to save the fallen hero, her sister. 

_Stay with me Kara. Stay with me._

Today has clearly been a shitshow.

She finished her drink, shaking her head in disbelief. First her partner, and now Supergirl?

There has to be another explanation, Alex would never have let that happened, she would have never let Kara die. 

Maggie felt the sudden urge to reach out, shooting her ex fiancée a short text, making sure the sisters were okay, that all was just some kind of show, but before she could reach for her phone, she felt fingers touching her chin and soft lips kissing her cheek. 

“Hey beautiful.”

Charlotte, her girlfriend. 

How could she forget? 

It was their two year anniversary, and in the morning, starting the day with some steamy celebrations, they agreed to meet at the bar after work, in their spot to continue the celebration. 

And all Maggie could think about was how Alex handled the possible death of her sister. 

She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts of her ex fiancée. The days and nights where Alex clouded her mind have been long gone. 

“You okay, babe?”

Maggie turned in her seat to face her girlfriend, simply stared at her for a few seconds, taking her beauty in. 

She cleaned up nice, dressed in black denim jeans and a black button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her curly hair framed her face beautifully and the simple makeup she chose gave her a classy look, her bright green eyes sparkled when she saw Maggie smiling at her 

"It was a tough day, but it got better the second you got here," Maggie smiled lovingly, pulling her girlfriend closer into a soft kiss. 

Her girlfriend smiled into the kiss, enjoying every second of it. When she pulled away, she pointed at the empty glasses. "Tell me about your day, Maggie."

And so she did, she talked about the bank robbery and about Jack, and then about the tragedy in National City and Supergirl. 

"Didn't you know her?" 

Intertwining her fingers with her girlfriend's, she nodded slowly. "Yeah, we used to work together back in National City. Our relationship has always been strained, she never understood or respected hard police work and had the habit to interfere. But she had a heart of gold, she was one of the good ones." 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Charlotte said, kissing the back of Maggie's hand. 

"I just, it's hard to believe, you know…" Maggie was so sure, that Kara was still alive. It had to be a show. 

She wanted to change the topic, but a voice grabbed her attention and her eyes snapped to the tv again. 

The strong, steady voice belonged to Alex, talking about the events. She talked with no emotions, just plain and serious, Maggie was so sure that she played her role perfectly. 

But the look on her face showed another side, Alex looked exhausted, tired, defeated. She looked like someone who has lost her sister. 

Maybe she was wrong, maybe her instincts let her down and Supergirl was dead. 

And a few seconds later Alex confirmed it. "It is with deep sadness and a heavy heart that we say goodbye to our beloved hero, friend, protector, sister. Supergirl died protecting the city, the people she loved the most…." 

She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, ignoring the aching pain in her heart. Yes, she never really got along with Supergirl, but she loved Kara like a little sister. 

"Maggie, hey, we can celebrate our anniversary another time." Charlotte saw the pain in her girlfriend's face and would do anything to take it away. 

"Thank you, but I'm okay, baby. It's our special day, we should celebrate." Maggie ordered another scotch for herself and red wine for her girl. 

When she has moved back to Gotham she didn't plan to fall in love again. Work has been her main focus, she wanted to defeat the corruption in this city, to throw the crazy ones in jail. 

Yes, she's dated from time to time, but nothing has been serious. She has hooked up a few times in the back of the bar, and took some girls home with her. 

None of those girls have been permanent. 

(One of the reasons has been that Maggie compared all the women to her ex fiancée.)

But the comparisons have stopped when Maggie met Charlotte Rivers. Maggie still remembered that day like it has been yesterday. 

"Do you remember the day we met?" Maggie asked, smiling fondly at the memory. 

"Of course," Charlotte smiled. 

"And have I ever told you that you've stolen my heart the moment you thanked me for saving Mia?" Maggie asked curiously. 

"No, but I remember how thankful I was a few days later," Charlotte smirked. 

"It's been awhile, babe, I think you need to refresh that memory." Maggie licked her lips, then suddenly she slammed a few dollar bills on the bar top and pulled her girlfriend with her, heading to the exit. 

Maggie heard Charlotte giggle behind her, and it filled her heart with love and warmth. She felt so much love for this woman, love she never thought she would be able to feel again. 

And she never believed in the saying " _time heals all wounds_ " but her relationship with Charlotte proved her wrong, time did heal and she was happy that Charlotte stayed and helped her to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still interested? :)
> 
> (Yeah Maggie has a girlfriend and I know some of you might not be fond of it, but don't worry, I don't plan to post explicit stuff)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie was happy.
> 
> She looked happy and carefree and more beautiful than ever. 
> 
> And she found new friends, a new support system, and a new family. 
> 
> She moved on… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! It's appreciated!
> 
> Please read the tags before you continue.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

_Two years after the break up_

“Winn, I need your help.”

“My help with what?”

“I need you to find Maggie.”

“Maggie? Is everything okay? Is she okay?”

“Stop asking questions. Just… just find her, Schott.”

"Alex…" 

“NOW!”

***

_I need you to find Maggie._

Her words echoed in his mind, finding her would be so easy for him. He had access to every data bank in the world and it would take a few sleepless nights to find out all the things Alex wanted, no, desperately needed, to know. 

But the question was, would Winn consider doing this?

He respected Maggie and the decision she made when Winn said goodbye to her as she left National City for good. 

And so he tried to talk her out of this idea, he promised her to help her to move on, to close this chapter of her life. But all she did was threaten him, and it has hurt him to see how desperate Alex has become. 

It’s been two years since the break up and Alex was still struggling. Struggling to move on, struggling to accept the fact that her decision was causing her all the problems. 

She tried.

Tried so many times to put the past behind her.

And she failed.

After failing so many times, she has thrown herself into work, helping her sister to keep the city safe. But when the day was over and the criminals in National City rested, her mind was beginning to work; reminding her of the worst day and night in her past.

(Sometimes, when the pain got unbearable Alex even thought about asking J’onn to wipe her mind; but she was too scared to lose the moments she cherished the most.) 

_You have to say it._

_Maggie..._

_You have to say it out loud._

_Please?_

_We can't be together._

Alex groaned, as she took the glass, and poured the liquid down her throat in a single smooth motion, wincing and coughing. 

The taste was bitter and the alcohol made her throat burn. But it soothed the pain, created a false sense that she was functioning like a normal person. 

When Maggie was still a part of her life, she was the only one who stopped her from drinking her pain away. She encouraged her to open up, to speak about her feelings, her problems, to face her demons and doubts. 

And when Jeremiah betrayed his family, Maggie was the one who pulled her close and Alex spent hours and hours in Maggie's arms, feeling safe and sound.

_Flashback_

It was after midnight but Maggie still held Alex in her arms, rubbing small circles on her back, kissing her hair and letting her know that she was here for her, just like she promised months ago. 

But she had a rough day and she was getting tired, her body hurt from staying in the same position for too long and her heart was aching for the woman in her arms. 

She took Alex by her hands, leading her to the bed on the podest and told her to get ready for bed. She would join her in a few minutes. 

And when Maggie laid down next to her, she pulled her closer, arms around Alex, stroking her hair, pressing a soft kiss on her temple. 

"I'm here for you, Alex. You're not alone. You can tell me everything. I know it's so much easier to shove down your feelings. But don't make the same mistakes I did. Whenever you're ready to talk to me about what happened with your dad remember I'm here for you."

And Alex wanted to talk, she really wanted to tell Maggie what happened in the forest. But the wounds were fresh, the memories haunted her. But she tried, she really tried to talk about her feelings, about what happened. 

But only a heart wrenching sob left her lips. 

And Maggie felt the pain in her heart. She wanted to take it away, hurt everyone who dared to put the woman she loved through so much pain. 

She pulled Alex closer to her, whispering soothing words softly in her ear. "Alex, sweetie, listen to my heartbeat. It will help you to calm down." 

Alex put her head over her heart, listening to her steady heartbeat. This was all she needed in this moment. 

Maggie. 

She felt safe in her girlfriend's arms, brave enough to let her guards down, to be vulnerable. 

She didn't need to be strong in Maggie's presence. 

After quite some time Maggie felt Alex stir, and she felt her girlfriend's fingers clutching her black tank top. "It's okay, Alex. I'm here. Try to get some sleep, okay?" 

But Alex shook her head. She couldn't find sleep, everytime she closed her eyes she saw the moment that made her world crash down, again. 

She opened her eyes, trying to find Maggie's in the dark. "Maggie? What did it feel like when your own dad abandoned you?" 

_Flashback end_

But ever since Alex pushed Maggie away no one seemed to be concerned enough to stop her from making questionable life choices. 

***

Days and nights passed, Alex tried to focus on her work, her life. But whenever work slowed down, her mind began to race again. 

_Maggie_.

_Maggie._

_Maggie_. 

(If J'onn would have been near her, he definitely would have left the DEO with a throbbing headache on most days.)

So, when everyone was resting and asleep Alex tried to use her own resources to find out what she wanted to know. 

_Access denied._

Those angry red letters were flashing right before her eyes. 

Alex typed the password again. 

_Access denied._

She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and tried to stay calm. 

_Schott_. 

It had to be him, she was sure about it.

She was the damn director of the DEO and couldn't even get access to the data bank.

Winn would pay for that. 

Alex leaned back in the seat, crossing her arms behind her head, closing her eyes for a second. 

What was wrong with her? 

Why was she so desperate to find Maggie? 

Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders and when she turned around she looked into her mom's eyes. 

"Mom? What are you doing here?" 

"Alexandra, I think you know why I'm here. We need to talk."

Alex shook her head. "I can't, mom." 

"Sweetheart, you know what you're doing isn't healthy for you. You need to let go." 

_You need to let go_.

How could you let go when you were still in love with the woman you hurted the most? And in this very moment everything came crashing down on her. 

A bitter sob left her lips. 

"Mom, she just disappeared on…" She wanted to say _me_ but it felt wrong. "...on us." 

Eliza stepped closer, and took her hands in hers. "You gave her no other choice, Alex... And Sweetheart, I know you miss her. But _you_ made the decision to break up with her." 

Another sob left her lips, tears stung in the corners of her eyes. "What if I made the wrong decision? What if I was wrong?"

Alex's voice was filled with regret, she meant every word that left her mouth. But the damage was done and she had no idea how to fix it. 

"I tried to move on, tried to date. But nothing lasted, they left me every single time. I couldn't stop comparing them to Maggie and they noticed, called me out on my bullshit…. And I just want her back, mom. I wanna hold her, tell her how sorry I am, that she's all I need, that she's enough… more than enough. Every single day and night without her hurts, I'm longing to have her back in life. We still have so many firsts to experience together. "

She brought a hand up to cover her mouth as another sob left her lips. 

"Oh, Alexandra," Eliza sighed and took her daughter in her arms, letting her cry in her embrace. 

And Alex let her guards down, let her mom see her vulnerable. She felt her mom's hand in between her shoulder blades, soothingly rubbing up and down her back. 

_She really has lost her._

***

"Are you sure you want to take a look?" 

Alex nodded. 

Eliza still wasn't sure if this would help Alex to close the chapter and to move on. She talked to Winn to show her the information Alex wanted to know. 

Even if Alex thought it would be a good idea Eliza knew it would break her daughter.

"Okay." 

Alex braced herself, still not sure why she suddenly felt the urge to find out what was going on in Maggie's life.

And then she saw it. 

Maggie was happy.

She looked happy and carefree and more beautiful than ever. 

And she found new friends, a new support system, and a new family. 

She moved on… 

(And it hurt to see her so happy.)

***

 _Three weeks after Supergirl's death_

She loved running, especially in the morning, when the city was still asleep, the pounding of her feet on the pavement below, the way that pushing her body past the point of exhaustion cleared her head. 

Running was her happy place, the one thing in the whole world no one could take from her. 

(Maggie used to be her happy place once.) 

Today was no different. 

After waking up next to a complete stranger, arm wrapped around her waist, Alex wasted no time and left the apartment. 

Half an hour later she pushed herself to the limit, her body hurt and the cold December air made it hard for her to breathe. 

Running cleared her mind, let her focus and helped her cope. 

She followed the path in the park and her mind started to wander, thinking about last night, how she let herself go. She needed to let loose a little, she just wanted to enjoy herself for one night. 

And she had fun, no doubt. Had a few drinks, met some new people, spent hours and hours on the dancefloor. 

But panic replaced the good mood when she woke up. Scared and confused, not knowing where she was.

She promised herself that this would have been the last time. 

***

"Director Danvers, good to see you." 

A young rookie greeted Alex as she entered the building. 

She nodded quietly and left to find J'onn, who stood in the commando base. Arms crossed over his chest, eyes on the computer screen. 

"J'onn, any news?" 

The former director of the DEO shook his head. "Aliens from different species have been gone missing over the last few weeks. But still no sign of Cadmus operating again. Are you sure it's them?" 

"I am. We need to gather all the information we have. Send teams to scan the areas. We need to talk to witnesses again. And if they don't wanna talk, make them talk." 

Cadmus was operating again and this time Alex would shut them down for good. 

"I'll be in my office. Let me know when we have more information and when our teams are ready." 

***

_Alex! Maybe you were wrong. It's been weeks and there's still no sign of Cadmus. Maybe it's something else, someone else._

_It is Cadmus, Kara. I'm sure._

_But Alex. It wouldn't be the first time you were wrong_.

 _Kara_. 

_Kara_. 

Her heart was beating fast when she woke up, her body was drenched in sweat. Ever since that fateful night her life wasn't the same. It was hard to find peace, to rest her mind.

Even if it was just… 

Suddenly, a sharp knock interrupted Alex thoughts. "Come in." 

It was been J'onn, followed by Winn who wasted no time to tell her the good news. 

"Alex, we found Cadmus." 

He clicked on a video on his tablet; black-cladded figures appeared, roaming around, clearly following a plan. Black trucks were driving around, the Cadmus logo visible. The skyline of the city looked familiar. 

_Gotham City_ , Alex thought. 

_Maggie_. 

_Oh shit._

Maggie was in Gotham. 

"J'onn, I should go. No one knows Cadmus like I do. I'm our best chance to finally take them down," Alex said, eyes still fixated on the tablet. 

"It's too risky to send you, Alex. If Lillian Luthor is in Gotham too, she will use you against your own will. She'll play with you and your feelings. Send your most trusted agent to lead the investigation."

 _My most trusted agent is already in Gotham, not aware of what is happening_ , Alex thought. 

"With all due respect, J'onn. I'm the director of the DEO. And when I say I go, I go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> \-----------------------
> 
> You can find me on twitter @leighftlima


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just got off the phone with the DEO in National City. They were asking for you." 
> 
> "The DEO?," Maggie asked incredulously. "I no longer work in the Science Division of the GCPD. Why me?" 
> 
> "Don't ask me, Sawyer. The director asked for you personally. Didn't tell me much. Just that it was about something from the past."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! It's appreciated!
> 
> Please read the tags before you continue.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

It was way after two am, the city was finally asleep as the last of its residents went home, trying to rest before a new day would rise. 

But Alex wasn't one of them. 

Too pumped with adrenaline to wind down from the events today. 

A late night attack downtown National City kept the DEO and the NCPD busy. Criminals worked with aliens together, using their unique powers for their own gain. 

And this hasn't been the first time. Ever since Supergirl's death made the news, both, criminals and aliens got braver and made the nights theirs. 

Yes, the crime rate was skyrocketing but nothing the DEO, with the help of Dreamer and Brainiac 5, couldn't handle. 

In fact, the current situation made it quite easy for them to lock them away. The criminals acted recklessly, not caring a single bit. 

The cold wind blew through her short hair, making her shiver slightly. She only wore her DEO uniform, which kept her warm to a limited extent.

A static sound in her ear made her stop on her way home. Pressing her finger to her ear she listened to the voice. 

_ We still need to talk, Alex.  _

She exhaled. 

"There's nothing you can say or do to change my mind, J'onn. I'm still going to Gotham."

She heard him sigh slightly irritated. She was aware that J'onn was not satisfied with her answer. But it was out of his hands. She made the decision and he could not dissuade her.

***

The bar wasn't very crowded, a few guests found their way into it tonight. Soft music was coming from the old jukebox in the corner.

"Can I get you anything else?" 

She just shook her head, she just wanted one drink to relax. Tonight slowly caught up with her and the pain also made itself present.

She was tired and exhausted. Her body ached, her chest and lungs hurt as she struggled for breath and the pulse throbbed at her temples. 

Maybe going for a drink was a bad decision, but it helped her. The alcohol eased the pain, her mind. 

"I knew I would find you here."

Alex looked in the direction where the familiar voice came from and nodded when J'onn asked if he could sit down. 

"No you didn't. M'gann called you." Alex looked over at the woman who shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"She did. Because she cares about you." 

Alex sighed slightly as she took another sip from her beer bottle. 

"J'onn, I really appreciate your concern. But I know what I'm doing. I know what I have to do to finally end Cadmus for good."

And J'onn had faith in Alex, that has never been questioned. He had known Alex for a while now, she was like a daughter. He knew what she was capable of, how she would react in certain situations. 

And if this wasn't about Cadmus and, in some ways about Maggie, he wouldn't worry so much. 

But he also knew how much she longed for Maggie and to make things right. 

"Alex, I trust you to take down Cadmus," J'onn said.  _ But I don't trust you if Maggie is involved.  _

She clearly heard the  _ But _ but ignored it. 

Alex didn't want to argue, she respected J'onn and his words. But she made her decision and J'onn could support her or not. That was up to him.

She had listened to him, of course. He was one of the wisest men she knew. And she appreciated his concerns. But she had come to a decision and as the director of the DEO she had to do what she needed to do. 

The fate of Cadmus was in her hands.

(And should Maggie Sawyer cross her way Alex would try everything to stay professional and not' let her feelings get in the way.

Needless to say, it was already clear that Alex would fail.) 

***

For many nights, a warehouse on the outskirts of Gotham City have been observed. 

It was recorded and documented when the warehouse was empty and if someone went in and out. 

The location was perfectly chosen for future operations. Away from the hustle and bustle of the city and especially the GCPD. 

The warehouse made it easy for them to plan for the future without fear that the police could show up at any moment. 

The woman, dressed in a red tight-fitting dress, watched the events unfolding in her presence. 

Heavy boxes were pushed into the warehouse, and a command center was set up in front of her eyes where she could follow what was happening in and around Gotham.

Her second in command was shouting angry orders around, making sure his boss would be satisfied with the results. 

She was easy to please though, as long as everything went according to plan.

One of the security guards appeared next to her, dressed in black, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses.

"Ma'am, our system detected unauthorized persons approaching the area. We await orders." 

He handed her his tablet, footage of two teenagers was shown who tried to gain access to the warehouse. 

"Fools. Send two men to bring them in. Find out if they've seen something and if they can be of value. If not, you know what to do." 

Much has been risked to establish a new base in Gotham City. Unwanted incidents could not be tolerated.

And there was too much at stake to deal lightly with the two teenagers.

***

It was early in the morning, the city was still asleep for a few hours, and Maggie used the quiet time to sign off some papers. She couldn't wait to leave for a long weekend, spending it in bed with her girlfriend. 

But she had no idea that her plans were about to be cancelled.

She was in the middle of signing off another paper when the call came in. 

A shaky voice was at the other end, the strong accent made it difficult for her to understand a word. 

And Maggie was trying hard to gather important information. The caller talked too fast but she quickly realized that she had been reported a murder case.

She groaned. 

The weekend and the long awaited and relaxing shower had to wait.

***

Rain poured down hard and relentlessly on the streets of Gotham City, making it impossible for the GCPD to collect evidence.

Maggie was the last to arrive at the crime scene and headed straight for Robyn Woods, the medical examiner. 

"Robyn, hey, what do we got?" 

"Sawyer, hey," Robyn said, kneeling over one of the bodies. "Male, not older than 18 years old. The rain has made it impossible to continue the examination. We found no ID. Not on him or the other boy."

Maggie sighed. The last few hours had already been more than exhausting and nerve wracking for her. 

"Understood. Can we determine the time of death?" 

"Between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. I'll be able to tell you more once I've examined the two bodies more closely." Robyn stood up and stretched her back, hearing a soft crack. "It was too good to be true." 

"What do you mean, too good to be true?"

"Gotham has been too quiet. We should have known something would happen soon."

"Well, crime never sleeps." 

Maggie let her eyes wander over the crime scene. Police men were talking to bystanders, rookies sealed up evidence.

It has really been too quiet for too long. A few minor offenses here and there. Far too unusual for a city like Gotham.

Gotham lived on crime and the machinations of the corrupt and the insane. Something was definitely going on here. 

Maggie didn't know exactly what or who was behind it, but sooner or later she'd figure it out.

***

The heavy rain had stopped, the wind calmed down and the first rays of sunshine pushed through the clouds. 

It looked like it would be a beautiful day. Even if Maggie had to go back to the GCDP to work on her new case.

As soon as Maggie had parked her bike and entered the station again, countless documents were handed to her, reporters from several news stations asked questions about the two bodies. 

Maggie just sighed, ignored everyone who shoved a microphone or camera in her face. 

She sat down on her desk, hands in her hair. She'd just finished a 36-hour shift, and she was exhausted and tired. And now it seemed like it was going to be another 36-hour shift.

But before she got back to work, she opened her messages on her mobile phone to let Charlotte know she might not be able to make it tonight.

_ Sorry, babe, I have to cancel tonight. Please tell your sister that I'm sorry. xx M.  _

Maggie would love nothing more than to spend a relaxing evening with her girlfriend and her sister. But like she told Robyn today,  _ crime never sleeps. _

_ A few hours later _

"Any news, Sawyer?" 

Maggie shook her head as she looked up and saw Robyn standing in front of her. 

"I've used every database I can access. But no hits. No one's looking for them or is missing these two. You have better news for me?" 

"I can now confirm the time of death. No signs of a sex crime." Robyn sat next to Maggie and handed her a file, filled with pictures and information. "Looks like they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. A single bullet took the lives of both of them." 

Maggie nodded. "If they've been in the wrong place at the wrong time it clearly means they've seen something they shouldn't have seen. I need to get back to the old steel mine, I guess. Let's hope the rain hasn't washed away all the evidence."

Maggie rose from her desk chair when Robyn touched her arm. "Another thing, Sawyer. The old steel mine is not the place where those two have been killed."

"Of course... Have you been able to find out where?" 

"I was able to retrieve some samples. They're in the lab now. As soon as I have a result, you're the first one I'll let know."

"Alright, thanks Robyn."

"Anytime Sawyer. Now, excuse me. I need to go back to work. I'm not trusting that Robinson guy with my samples." 

Maggie chuckled slightly as she opened the file Robyn handed her earlier. There had to be something in there she could work with. 

"Sawyer!" 

Annoyed, Maggie closed the file again. Was it too much to ask to work in peace? "Fuck! I can't work like this."

In front of her was her commissioner, frowning and looking disapprovingly at her. 

"Sorry, sir. I'm just... How can I help you?" 

"I just got off the phone with the DEO in National City. They were asking for you." 

"The DEO?," Maggie asked incredulously. "I no longer work in the Science Division of the GCPD. Why me?" 

"Don't ask me, Sawyer. The director asked for you personally. Didn't tell me much. Just that it was about something from the past." Maggie was one of his best detectives and he was not at all pleased that the DEO requested her. 

A few years ago the DEO helped Gotham City to establish its own science division. And the commissioner knew that sooner or later, they would call in a favor. 

"I have this case that I'm reluctant to relinquish," Maggie said. But the truth is, she wanted nothing more than that. She had no leads, no useful witnesses. It was a dead end. 

"I'm sorry, Sawyer. The director is already on the way to Gotham City. Someone else will take over the case." 

Maggie just sighed. 

The day really couldn't get any worse. But she had no choice. If the DEO asked for her help and her commissioner agreed, there was nothing else she could do.

Maggie just hoped Alex would stay in National City and wouldn't accompany J'onn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, thank you :) 
> 
> \-----
> 
> Come find me on twitter @leighftlima


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maggie." 
> 
> She would recognize this soft, familiar voice every single time. No matter how long it's been since the last time she heard it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! It's appreciated!
> 
> Please read the tags before you continue.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

"Alex, wait! We need to talk!" 

Kara huffed angrily, she tried to sound strict but when her arms were reaching for her sister to keep her from leaving her office she acted way too desperate. 

And Alex could hear the pleads in her sister's voice and stopped right before the door. "This is exactly what we wanted," Alex said and when she turned around she saw her sister pouting, definitely not happy with the decision Alex made. "We found Cadmus. I need to go, Kara. And you know that. You agreed to that."

Kara sighed, frustrated and annoyed. Of course she knew that she agreed to it. This has been their plan for so long. Fake Supergirl's death to lure Cadmus out of the dark. And it really worked. 

Just a few days after Supergirl's death made the headlines Cadmus appeared in Gotham City. Definitely a big surprise, Gotham City wasn't know for its aliens population. 

But Cadmus has been known for being unpredictable and Alex needed to find out what the organization has planned. 

"But Alex.." Kara tried to find some reasonable argument to counter Alex's but she knew she would lose. "Supergirl's dead, who's going to keep National City safe when you're gone?" 

Alex smiled softly as she looked at her sister, who was still pouting. "Kara, National City is going to be fine. There's Nia, Brainy, J'onn. They will do a good job keeping the city safe."

She knew her sister so well, it has never been about keeping the city safe. She knew that and Kara knew that as well. 

"Why don't you tell me what really bothers you about me flying to Gotham City?" Alex asked softy, sitting down in her chair again, pointing at another chair. 

Kara took a deep breath as she sat down. "I'm scared, Alex, and I'm worried. What will happen when you see Maggie again? It's been so long since you've seen her. You're finally doing better, you're looking forward. You're living a better life now. I don't want you to get hurt again."

There it was, the real reason why Kara didn't want Alex to leave for Gotham City. 

_Maggie_. 

Alex leaned forward a little bit to look Kara in the eyes. She didn't want to have this conversation again, and she was hoping it would be the last time that she was discussing her past with Maggie with her little sister. 

"I was never the one who got hurt Kara," Alex said, trying to not let old feelings break free. Yes, she moved on and she was stronger, but not strong enough to relive one of the most painful times of her past. 

"My own mistake have been the reason why I was hurting, not Maggie. She never hurt me, Kara."

"But she broke your heart Alex!" 

"I broke my own heart, Kara. I always talked about everything with her, and the one time I didn't I lost the most important person in my life. So, I'll be fine, Kara. I promise."

And Alex hoped Maggie would be fine too. 

***

"Sterling, I need you to go back to the old steel mine to gather more information," Maggie said, handing the file to the young officer. "Take another close look at the crime scene. Retrieve more samples, find witnesses who'll talk. It's an industrial area. Maybe there are cameras somewhere and we didn't notice them yesterday. There has to be something we missed. 

Sterling opened the first page of the file and scanned it quickly for some basic information, two victims, found at the abandoned steel mine, killed with a single bullet. "Yes, ma'am," he said and closed it again. 

Maggie sighed. "It's detective, Sterling. Take Martinez as backup. Report back immediately when you've found something." 

John Sterling nodded silently. He didn't know much about the case, and it made him wonder why he was the one to take it over now. Detective Maggie Sawyer was definitely the better fit for this case. 

"Detective Sawyer, why me?" Sterling asked sincerely, maybe a little bit confused. 

"Commissioner's order. Prove yourself, Sterling." And with that Maggie went back to her own desk. 

This was his chance to prove that he was capable of more than just managing the early morning traffic. He was determined to prove to everyone that he could be an important part of the GCPD.

"Martinez, we got a case. Meet me outside in 5," Sterling yelled in the direction of another young officer, Elena Martinez. 

The young woman, sitting at her desk, looked around, and seconds later she locked eyes with Maggie. She gave her a questioning look and when Maggie nodded slightly, Elena packed her things. 

"Martinez, this is your chance," Maggie said encouragingly. "You do belong here, don't listen to the voices in the locker room. Make me proud, okay?!" 

Elena smiled softly, not familiar with the feeling when someone else believed in her. "Thank you, Detective Sawyer." And then she left the precinct, joining Sterling in the police car. 

Maggie leaned back in her chair, arms crossed and her mind was wandering. Last night, she spent hours and hours thinking about the case and why she couldn't shake the feeling off that this was more than just an ordinary case. 

She wanted to go back to the crime scene herself. She was more experienced than most of her colleagues, she knew what to look for and especially where and since the weather was much nicer than last night, she was sure they would find some new clues.

There have been so many questions with no answers; where has been the original crime scene? What really happened to the two teenagers? What have they seen that was not meant for their eyes? 

Something about this case was definitely off. 

(Maggie could list so many unanswered questions and she decided that she would stay on this case. Even if she wanted to get rid of this one yesterday.) 

And since the commissioner had other plans with her, she needed someone on the crime scene she could trust. And Elena Martinez was that someone. 

She reminded her of herself. A young, smart and sharp woman, ambitious to learn new things, never backing down from a challenge. With good leadership, she could make it fair. 

A few rooms away, away from what was happening in the precinct, a person dressed in black listened carefully to what Maggie Sawyer had said to the two young officers, delivering every word and order to an unknown source. 

***

_Detective Sawyer was pulled from the case and assigned two of her rookies to look into it, ma'am. We should move now, it's our best chance._

"Thank you. We'll handle it. I'll be in touch."

And with a slight grin on her face she ended the call and put her phone aside.

Everything went as planned, and she never thought it would have been so easy to get access to much needed information without anyone suspecting something might be off. 

She was satisfied, pleased with herself and her work. It finally paid off to operate in the dark for so long. 

"Davis, send your team to the old steel mine now. Make sure no one makes it out alive, understand?"

"Understood, ma'am." Her second in command said and already assigned his best men to another important mission. No mistakes were allowed and he made sure his men would obey. 

Everyone involved spent many years planning _Operation Phoenix_ , and now, since they've come so far to finish what they've started no one would dare to risk jeopardizing the takeover. 

Gotham City would be doomed.

***

 _A few hours later_

_I just got off the phone with the DEO in National City. They were asking for you._

The DEO, Maggie couldn't believe it. It's been years since the last time she even thought about the secret organization in National City and suddenly J'onn was on his way to Gotham City? 

She barely paid attention to what happened in National City, the last thing she heard of was Supergirl's death and she still couldn't believe it. 

So what has happened in the last few years since Maggie left the city? And why did the DEO ask for her help? 

Was a crime in National City linked to one in Gotham City? Could this be the reason why the DEO needed Maggie's help? 

Loud voices and even louder yelling interrupted her thoughts and just a few seconds later Robyn stood in front if her. "Sawyer, we need you. It's Martinez." 

"Martinez? What happened to her?" Not waiting for an answer Maggie stormed out of her office and in the direction where the loud voices were coming from. 

And there was Martinez, scared, wrapped in a thick blanket. Eyes staring into space, blood dripping from her temple.

Detectives talked to her, trying to find out what happened at the old steel mine. But Elena kept staring into space, not responding to the questions. 

Maggie approached her slowly, trying not to scare her. "Martinez, hey, look at me." Maggie put her finger under her chin and made her look at her. "Elena, what happened?" 

Elena just sobbed, her body was shaking and her shoulders slumped. She couldn't talk, couldn't tell Maggie what happened at the crime scene. 

Maggie took her hands in her, squeezed them softly to let her know that she was here for her. Whatever happened it traumatized her pretty bad. 

"Where's Sterling? Maybe he can tell us what happened at the old steel mine and to Elena?" Maggie looked around but everyone else was looking at the floor. 

Before she could raise her voice to get an answer, she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

Robyn. 

"Sawyer, the base got disconnected to Sterling and Martinez a few minutes after they've reached the crime scene. We don't know how or why, but once the connection was stable again we heard gunshots and Elena screaming for Sterling. We've sent another team as soon as possible and when they got to the scene they've found Elena sobbing right next to Sterling."

_Fuck._

Another case, another dead rookie. 

"Elena, please talk to me. What happened? What happened to Sterling? What did you see?" 

Sad green eyes met brown ones, her hands were still shaking in Maggie's. 

Elena took a deep breath, putting her thoughts back in order. She closed her eyes but all she could see was darkness. 

"It was horrible. There was so much blood and John, he was struggling to breath. They just killed him, Detective Sawyer. He protected me from those men and lost his life." Elena broke down again, sobbing hard and Maggie had a hard time keeping her from falling off the table. 

"Sawyer, give her a break, she needs it," Robyn said and squeezed her shoulder. "We can talk to her tomorrow. Someone should escort her home."

Maggie shook her head. She needed more than escort. "We need to get her to a safe house. Whoever killed Sterling will be after her too. They've definitely seen something that wasn't supposed for their eyes. Can you arrange that Robyn? I need to talk to the commissioner." 

"Yes, of course. I'll take care of her."

"Thank you," Maggie said before she looked at Elena again. "Elena, hey. Robyn will take you to one of our safe houses. You'll be safe there, I promise."

But Elena shook her head, she wanted to stay here, here at the precinct where it's been safe for her. "I don't wanna go. Please don't leave me alone. What if they find me?" 

Before Maggie could answer it was Robyn who took over and comforted the young woman. "You'll be safe in our safe house, I promise. I'll stay as long as you want me to. Okay? 

Elena agreed when she saw Maggie nodding slightly. She trusted Maggie and Maggie trusted Robyn. 

She would be safe. 

***

For the next sixty minutes Maggie tried to reach her commissioner but every single time her calls were connected to the mailbox. 

And Maggie was too angry, too upset to leave a voice message that would not be the reason to get her ass fired. 

Maggie poured herself another drink, the bottle of bourbon almost empty. 

She couldn't believe she was back at the bar so soon, nursing another drink because another rookie died. 

Why did this happen to her? She prepared them as best as she could to survive the streets of Gotham City and still, she failed again to keep another rookie safe. 

Two dead rookies, another one in danger. The GCPD needed to keep Elena safe, she was the only one who saw what happened with Sterling and maybe she saw who the killers were. 

Maggie took another sip, pouring the amber liquid down her throat. She knew going to a bar to drown down her pain wasn't the healthiest option but knew one else would understand. 

Her girlfriend, sweet Charlotte, wouldn't understand the pain of losing someone in the line of work. She was a kindergarten teacher and she mostly had to deal with toddlers not wanting to take a nap. Not with criminals pulling the trigger to take someone else's life. 

Sure, talking to her helped, it helped a lot but it was a burden she didn't want to share with her. So, she was suffering on her own, mostly at the bar, a full bottle of bourbon being her only companion for the night. 

She wanted to take another sip but... 

"Maggie." 

She would recognize this soft, familiar voice every single time. No matter how long it's been since the last time she heard it. 

But this couldn't be real. Her mind was probably playing games with her, maybe it's time to stop drinking for tonight. 

And then she heard it again, a slight concern in the voice. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?" 

She was looking around, who was playing tricks on her? What was going on? 

_Alex?_

_Alex._

It really was Alex, standing in front of her. A slight frown on her face and worried eyes were looking at her. 

Maggie gulped and took another huge sip of her bourbon. She definitely needed to break the habit of getting a drink when something went wrong. 

Maggie's eyes were fixated on Alex. She looked different, the undercut was definitely a big surprise. And she looked tired and exhausted, her eyes were missing the sparkle Maggie used to know. 

She couldn't say a word when Alex sat down across from her and she definitely wasn't able to form some words as Alex took the bottle and took a sip. 

Maggie groaned, familiar and repressed feelings were filling her veins, mind and body. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Alex looked at her, how much did she already have that she forgot why Alex was here? "Didn't your commissioner tell you that I would be coming?" 

Alex was nervously playing with the label of the bottle, she was afraid how Maggie would react to the request that the DEO needed her help. 

Maggie shook her head, she might be drunk but she still remembered what her commissioner told her. "No, he just told me that the director of the DEO would be on his way to Gotham. He didn't mention that you would travel with J'onn."

Oh shit, Maggie didn't knew. 

"Well, J'onn's not here because I'm the director of the DEO."

"Oh fuck."

Oh fuck indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't act like you care, Danvers. You stopped caring a long time ago."
> 
> And with that Maggie left Alex at the bar, going home to someone who definitely cared about her and her feelings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! It's appreciated!
> 
> Please read the tags before you continue.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

_Flashback_

It was early in the morning, Alex was still asleep, exhausted from last night, a small, blissful smile on her face. Wrapped in a thick blanket, Alex shielded herself from the world, from the morning sun trying to break through the black curtains. 

And Maggie? 

Maggie just laid next to her, her fingers intertwined with Alex's. She needed to be close to her, to hear her steady breathing. She needed to feel her, her soft skin against hers, she needed her soft breath brushing her skin. 

She almost lost Alex.

The love of her life. 

Maggie, who dedicated her life to keep people safe couldn't protect the one person in her life she loved the most. 

She felt so helpless, not knowing where Alex was, not sure if she was still alive. 

She was ready to put her job on the line to get Alex back. But she wasn't ready to imagine her life without her in it. 

_Because they just started this…_

Alex stirred lightly next to her, moving closer to Maggie and to those soft hands, not able to stop touching her. 

Alex was alive. 

Alive and breathing. 

She was falling, falling so hard for the amazing woman right next to her. And it felt so fucking good to tell her she loved her last night.

_Those firsts that you talked about I wanna have them all with you._

_I never want to stop having firsts with you._

_I love you, Maggie Sawyer._

_I love you, Alex Danvers._

_Yeah?_

_Yeah._

Slowly, her fingers found their way under the thick blanket, tracing over her naked body, feeling warm skin. 

Her fingers traveled from her back to her shoulder, feeling old and new scars. She stopped at the freshest one, the one on her shoulder. 

Her girlfriend was a freaking genius, using the tracker in her shoulder to get in contact with them. 

Maggie never ever wanted to be put in a situation again where she was afraid to lose someone close, someone special. She wanted this relationship to last forever. 

Not wanting to wake her up to tell her how much she loved her, Maggie softly traced the words _I love you_ on Alex's back. And as soon as she finished the _U_ she felt Alex waking up. 

She turned around, a bright smile on her face, and moved a little bit closer, hiding her face in Maggie's neck. "You gettin' soft on me, Sawyer?" She murmured playfully, placing a soft kiss on her neck. "I love you too." 

And Maggie just wrapped her arms around Alex, keeping her close to her heart. "I love you, Alex. I was so scared to lose you. You showed me the meaning of true love. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

_Flashback end_

Her worst fear became reality, and years later Maggie had to navigate her new life without Alex in it. Once again she wasn't enough and she lost another family she thought she could have counted on. 

She felt dizzy from all the alcohol and the memory that crept in her mind. She was over it, over Alex and her past. It took so much time to heal, to trust someone else again, to open her heart to let another woman in. 

Maggie was so confused, unable to slow her racing mind down. Alex was here, here in Gotham City. Her ex fiancée was the director who requested her help. And when she looked up, she was still sitting across from her, a frown on her face, her eyes not leaving Maggie. 

"Of course you're the fucking director," Maggie murmured to herself, her fingers wrapping around the bottle with the amber liquid in it. 

She took a long sip from the bottle, the alcohol burning in her throat, a feeling much needed. 

Her life was finally back on track; she has found love again, she had a job she loved, was respected at the GCPD. She has healed and found happiness again. 

But Alex...

Alex was Alex. 

She truly, deeply loved her. She helped her to put her guards down, she trusted her, with her heart, her thoughts, her fears, her future. 

Long forgotten feelings tried to break free and Maggie wanted, no needed another long sip, to forget them, to push her feelings down. But Alex was quicker than her and took the bottle from Maggie. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay hold on," Alex said, moving closer to Maggie. Her hands ached to touch her, to hold her close. 

Alex heard what happened to one of her rookies when she arrived at the GCPD asking about the whereabouts of Maggie. 

(She would be lying if she was surprised when she got told that Maggie was at one of the dive bars.)

Maggie groaned frustrated. 

"You know you can talk to me, Maggie. What happened to him?" Alex knew it was dangerous to talk to her like they were still friends. But, no matter what happened in their past, she wanted to be there for her. The feeling of losing someone in the line of work wasn't unfamiliar to her and she wanted to help Maggie. 

"No, no, no, no. You don't get to do this Danvers," Maggie said angrily. "You can't waltz in here, acting like nothing happened between us. That's not fair. You have no idea what I've been through since you kicked me out of your life. You know nothing." 

"You're right, Maggie," Alex said, trying not to show how hurtful her words were. But this wasn't about her and her feelings, it was about Maggie. "I don't know what you've been through, but I know that you're drunk and that you should head home. Let me call you a taxi." 

Maggie shook her head. "Don't act like you care, Danvers. You stopped caring a long time ago." And with that Maggie left Alex at the bar, going home to someone who definitely cared about her and her feelings. 

***

The small diner outside Gotham City has been busy, the morning crowd rushed into it, ordering coffees and donuts to start their day. 

Maggie exhaled, it was too loud for her. Her head was throbbing, the bright light in the diner was hurting her eyes. 

She wished she could have stayed in bed but a message from Robyn woke Charlotte and her girlfriend made sure she wouldn't miss her morning meeting with her colleague. 

_"Ten more hours, babe, please."_

_"Don't be a baby, Maggie. Get up, Robyn's waiting for you." Charlotte pressed a soft, sweet kiss on her girlfriend's temple, fingers sliding through her hair. "I'm going to take a shower, you're welcome to join."_

"Here, some black coffee for you, Sawyer. It will help you." Robyn slid into the booth, placing the coffee and a bagel in front of Maggie. 

"Thank you," Maggie murmured, taking a sip from the coffee. 

"So, want to tell me-" 

"It's Alex." 

"Alex?" Robyn just looked at her confused, but then it hit her. "Oh my god, your Alex!" 

"She's not my Alex, but yes. She's the director who requested my help." Maggie took a bite of her bagel and another sip of her coffee. "She came to the bar yesterday. Probably wanted to talk about why she's here but I was drunk and acted totally out of line. I wouldn't even be surprised if she never talks to me again."

"Does Charlotte know?" 

Maggie shook her head. "She has no idea who Alex is. She doesn't know anything about my past in National City or my failed engagement."

Keeping it a secret was never Maggie's intention, but she closed the chapter Alex Danvers years ago and just because Alex showed up again wasn't a reason for Maggie to open it again. 

"You need to tell her, Maggie. I know you don't want to get hurt again but keeping this from Charlotte isn't healthy. Talk to her. She deserves to know."

Robyn was right, Maggie knew that. But just because she closed the chapter Alex Danvers didn't mean she was ready to talk about it. 

***

Gotham City was definitely a city Alex Danvers has never been to. Ever since she landed a few hours ago, the weather didn't change much. It was dark, cold, rainy. Dark heavy clouds filled the sky making it difficult for the sun to break through. 

She heard many stories from Maggie about the corrupted city, ruled by the crazy ones and criminals, but never experienced it on her own. 

It was far from being the safest city in the states and it made her wonder why Maggie chose to build her new life in Gotham. 

Alex knew her ex fiancée shared good and bad memories with the city and its people and maybe those weren't as painful as the ones she left in National City behind. 

So, even if the city was dark and gritty, Maggie maybe still experienced some great, unforgettable memories here. 

And when Alex stopped in front of the Gotham City Police Department, she was ready to face her past again. 

As she entered the building, she was looking for Maggie, not knowing if she would be already at work. 

"You must be Alex Danvers." 

Alex was surprised to hear her name, especially because Maggie was the only one she knew in Gotham and this voice didn't belong to her. So, she turned around nodding and faced a young woman. "I am, and you are?" 

"Robyn Woods, I work with Sawyer," she introduced herself and shook Alex's hand. "She asked me to get you when you would arrive." 

"Oh, she did?" Alex asked surprised. 

"Yes, she's in her office, going over a file, she needs your input," Robyn said and pointed to a door. "Go ahead, she's waiting for you." 

Alex looked back and forth, unsure if Maggie really was waiting for her. After yesterday she didn't even expect to still be welcomed at the GCPD. 

"Hey," Robyn said softly, touching Alex's arm lightly. "She feels awful. Don't give her a hard time when she's trying to apologize." 

Alex was skeptical that Robyn knew about what happened at the bar. Who was she? Was she more than just a colleague? 

Lover? 

Girlfriend? 

Or even worse. 

Wife? 

And Alex wouldn't even be surprised if both were more than colleagues. Robyn was simply gorgeous. Flawless light dark skin, her green eyes were sparkling playfully, the long black hair was worn in a ponytail, showing off her delicate neck and skin. 

And her smile, oh her smile was beautiful. 

"I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no," Robyn said. "I mean yes, we hooked up in the past, once or twice. But we're just friends now." 

Alex blushed, just a little bit. Was it so easy for a stranger to read her? 

"Am I this obvious?" 

Robyn just laughed softly. "But working with Sawyer makes it easy for me to read people. You should go, just remember, she's regretting her words."

Alex nodded and as she turned around she heard Robyn's voice again. 

"It was nice to meet you, Alex," Robyn said, and when Alex looked over her shoulder Robyn added, "let me know if you're sticking around for a while." 

Alex gasped. Was this woman flirting with her? "I- I will, it.. it was nice meeting you too." 

And there it was again, her smile, so radiant and warm. 

A warm and soft smile that reminded her of Maggie and how she felt when she entered her kitchen after spending the first night with Maggie.

Maggie, in just _her_ shirt, making her coffee and smiling fondly, listening to a rambling Alex. 

_You're in my apartment and it's morning and you slept in my apartment, and now you're wearing my T-shirt and making coffee and I can't believe this is happening and everything coming out of my mouth is very cliched._

And Maggie was just smiling, admiring that huge dork in front of her, who made her heart flutter and her smile so radiant and big. 

_It's called being happy. Get used to it, Danvers._

She made Alex happy, and Alex made her happy. 

This is how she wanted to spend every single morning for the rest of her life. 

_I think I am getting used to it._

"Danvers? You okay?" 

"Huh?" She shook her head, getting rid of the memory, and when she turned in the direction where the voice was coming from she looked into Maggie's eyes. "Maggie, hey!"

"Come on, Danvers. I need your help with a case." 

"But, I- the DEO needs your help!" She followed Maggie in her office, taking her ex fiancées new work place in. 

It was simply furnished, a large oak table in the middle, a big leather chair behind and two heavy leather chairs in front. The walls were decorated with honours and medals, with pictures of a young Maggie from the police academy, pictures of Maggie receiving medals. 

Looking at the pictures Alex realized how much she missed in Maggie's life. But she also knew that is has been her own fault. 

"I know that the DEO needs my help with something, but this is,... Listen, I lost two rookies in the last couple of weeks, another one is traumatized and in a safe house." Maggie exhaled, arms crossed as she leaned against her table. "I don't know how but those deaths are linked. Something's happening in my city and I can't figure out what."

Maggie seemed so lost, so desperate. She never had to experience so many defeats in her professional career. Her rookies trusted her, trusted her to keep them save, unharmed. 

And she failed, she failed them, and she failed herself. 

Alex forgot about Cadmus, and why she was in Gotham City. She forgot about her mission, Maggie was too important at the moment. 

(Maggie will always be the most important person in her life, whether Maggie liked it or not.) 

"Okay, show me what you got." 

"Thank you… Alex."

***

"And?" 

Alex looked up from the last files, she was half way through, and not sure why Maggie thought the bank robbery, the death of the two teenagers and the recent death of her rookie would be linked. 

Maybe she was missing some important key information, or maybe, the reason why she couldn't concentrate was Maggie and their _talk_ last night. 

"Maggie, are you sure those cases are linked? Maybe you think those are linked because you've been involved in them," Alex said and closed the last file. "We're in Gotham City, and maybe, it's just random? I mean it has been you who told me that the crazy ones killed for fun. What if that's the case?" 

Maggie shook her head. "The crazy ones like the attention, they like to operate in the public, not on some old abandoned steel mine."

"But the robbery. It was in a public place. They put on a show for everyone, for the news stations, for everyone in the City, the GCPD," Alex reminded Maggie. "I don't think the robbery is linked to the old steel mine case." 

"Two rookies died because of me. Because I've assigned them to those cases. Both are dead because of me! I've risked their lives!" Maggie was so fucking frustrated, she was missing something but still didn't know what and Alex wasn't exactly a big help. "I'm sorry, maybe it was a mistake to ask you to help me. Maybe you should just go back to National City and request someone else's help."

"I'm not leaving, Maggie. I can't leave. I'll stay and help you to solve your cases. My case can wait." Alex wouldn't leave Maggie alone, she needed help and there was a reason why she asked her for her help. "Why don't you take me to Elena Martinez? Did someone already talk to her? Do we know what she has seen?" 

Maggie shook her head. She got told to give Elena some time to rest, to collect her thoughts. "Robyn said it would be the best to give Elena some time on her own before someone would ask her what happened."

"Okay, I respect that but we should talk to her before her own mind shuts down and won't give us access to important information. Let me talk to her. You can trust me, Maggie. I'll be careful and respectful." 

"Robyn won't be pleased to find out you wanna talk to Elena," Maggie said and stood up, putting on her leather jacket. 

Alex smirked slightly. "I'll be fine, I'm sure."

***

"Elena, hey," Maggie said softly, approaching the young woman slowly. She was sitting on the couch, watching some documentary on Netflix. 

The safe house, a tiny, cozy house, was located outside Gotham City, surrounded by GCPD officers, not drawing any attention from cars passing by. 

"I want you to meet someone." Maggie took a seat next to her, slightly touching her arm and when Elena looked at her, Maggie smiled softly. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm okay, I guess," Elena said, looking at Maggie and then at Alex who was standing behind her. "Hey." 

Alex smiled fondly and waved lightly. "Hey, I'm Alex Danvers. I'm Mag-" 

Yeah, who was she? Maggie's ex fiancée? The woman who broke Maggie and her heart? Just someone she used to know? 

"She's a friend from National City who's here to help us solve the case. She wants to talk to you about what happened, if that's okay for you?" Maggie noticed that Alex was struggling to introduce herself and yes, it was awkward, a strange situation for both of them. 

Maggie still didn't know how to handle Alex showing up all of a sudden. To be honest she never thought she would see Alex again. So, she didn't know what to do, how to behave, what to say. All she knew was that they had to talk about what happened at the bar, but at the moment both had more important things to take care of. 

Alex sat down next to Elena and gave her a warm smile. "I know you don't know me and you don't have to talk to me, but you can trust me. I'm here to help you and Maggie. We just need to know what happened at the crime scene, that's all. Help me to bring justice to John Sterling's death."

Elena nodded slowly. "I don't remember much, everything happened so fast."

 _Flashback_

"John, wait. We should wait for backup." Elena Martinez tried to hold him back, but he broke from her grip. "What if those men are dangerous?" 

"We're the police, Martinez. We can handle them." John didn't wait for an answer or if Elena would follow him. He took his chance and would prove he belonged in the police force.

When both arrived at the crime scene, they weren't the only ones. Two black SUVs were parked on the area, hidden for everyone else but not for the two trained police rookies. 

Elena stayed back, ready to call back up if needed. Her eyes locked on a couple of men dressed in black, talking indistinctly with each other. 

Elena realized that John stayed close to the police car, watching over the crime scene. Maybe he sensed too that something strange was going on here.

Who were those guys and why did they collect trace evidence and samples? Or at least Elena thought this was happening in front of her. But when she was looking closely, no evidences and samples were put in a bag, they were destroyed. 

And Sterling realized it too. "Hey assholes, stay back." He had troubles drawing his own gun, giving the men the chance to take advantage of this and several guns were pointed at him.

Elena reacted quickly, with the gun in her hand she got out of the car and attracted attention. "GCPD, put your weapons down."

And suddenly every single gun was pointed at Elena. And then, Elena didn't know what happened next. She heard John threatening the men, several gunshots were ringing in her ears. 

She held her breath, waiting for the pain to set in. But she found herself tackled to the ground, John on top of her, gasping for air... 

_Flashback end_

"When backup arrived the men already left in their SUVs," Elena finished, tears rolling down her face. 

"Thank you," Alex said, wiping away the tears. "You might think it didn't help much, but it did. It will help us to find out what happened."

Elena just nodded. 

Alex squeezed Elena's hand, before she was going to look for Maggie. "You can go back to that documentary you were watching. I'm gonna find Maggie." 

And when Alex went to look for Maggie she ran into Robyn. 

Damnit, was this woman everywhere? 

"It seems you're sticking around, huh?, Robyn asked, a playful smile on her face. 

"Yeah, I promised Maggie to help her with the case." 

Robyn moved a little bit closer. "So, since you’re sticking around, maybe you wanna grab a drink or two?" 

Oh god, she was flirting and asking her out. And under normal circumstances Alex would say yes, but this would be a bad idea. "Robyn, I feel flattered, but I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, you're Maggie's friend and colleague and I'm the ex fiancée." 

Robyn laughed wholeheartedly. "I can be very discreet and can keep a secret to myself. But I understand. But just so you know, you're missing out."

And Alex just laughed. “I’m sure.”

"But hey, maybe you're right, maybe it would be weird. Especially since you're still not over Maggie," Robyn said. 

And the last sentence took her off guard. Not over Maggie? What did she mean? As she wanted to confront Robyn, her eyes catched Maggie's, who was outside, on the phone talking to someone, but her eyes were locked with Alex's. 

Maggie smiled softly, and there it was, this warm, familiar feeling. 

Alex had no chance to think about it, as Maggie entered the house again. "I can't believe she talked to you. No offense Danvers, but you're a stranger." 

Alex just shrugged. "Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know. Elena was afraid to talk to you. She feels guilty, and she's scared you're disappointed in her." 

Maggie looked at Elena. "I would never be disappointed in her. I see myself in her and I want the best for her."

"I know that, but does she know?"

Before Maggie could answer, she heard Elena's voice. "Alex, there's something else I remember. When the SUVs drove off I could see a glimpse of a logo. The symbol was a hexagon, black lines, red background. I've never seen it before." 

Maybe she has never seen it before, but Maggie and Alex have been familiar with it.

"Cadmus?" 

"Cadmus." 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me happy :) would love to hear your thoughts :) 
> 
> \---  
> Come, find me @leighftlima


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